Daily Dickhead: Kasey “Ew Boobies Are Gross” Kahne

Of the many phobias I will never be able to fully grasp, the fear of tits in this country has got to be in my top 3. Perhaps it’s because I grew up in a European family and both of my parents walked around naked at varying points throughout my childhood. Or maybe it’s because while growing up I used to spend every summer in France, a country where a naked tit is about as common as a naked tat on St. Marks place in the East Village (of New York City).

Tittie taboo is bizarre – plain and simple. And, while I’m aware that the sexualization of tits is the main culprit here, I can’t help but think it’s really yet another example of an attempt to put women in a place of submission in society.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about supermarket chain, Wegman’s, and their decision to relegate Cosmomopolitan Magazine to the smut section and censor their cover featuring Adele because she was showing too much cleavage. Apparently, now we’re not just scared of tits, we’re scared of the idea of tits.

Enter presumed heterosexual/brain deficient NASCAR posterboy, Kasey Kahne, who last week did his best ew-women-are-gross impression when he tweeted his discomfort over a woman breastfeeding her child in the grocery store. OH NO!

He tweeted: “Just walked through supermarket. See a mom breastfeeding little kid. Took second look because I was obviously seeing things. I wasn’t! One boob put away and one boob hanging!!! #Nasty. I don’t feel like shopping anymore or eating.” 

He then responded to a woman who disagreed with him by saying: “and your a dumb bitch.”

It’s good to know that the grammar of NASCAR’s drivers is consistent with the majority of NASCAR’s fans. Just sayin.

Seriously, though, will men ever realize that the existence of breasts has NOTHING to do with their boners? I realize we’re scraping the bottom of the barrel when we begin to question the thought process of anyone NASCAR-related, but cmon. This mother is trying to feed her baby and you bring it back to you? Take your head out of the exhaust pipe and have some manners and some respect for women – (unfortunately for us) one birthed you, remember?

Jackass.

Watch the video below.

Daily Dickhead: Mike “I Get Sexually Harassed At Popeye’s” Huckabee

In the past couple of years, few people have said more outlandish things to get attention than Mike Fuckabee. From his incessant gay marriage/polygamy comparisons, to the racist lies he spewed about President Obama’s childhood, Mike Fuckabee is one of those people who I just wish would keel over and die. Yes, I just wished death upon another person and, no, I don’t feel bad about it.

Everytime Fuckabee appears in the news, chances are he’s planning to offend someone – and this week he’s decided to make light of the entire act of sexual harassment by accusing women of basically overreacting. On his Fox ‘News’ show last Saturday, Fuckabee took the time to address the sexual harassment allegations against Herman Cain by making an incredibly tasteless comparison between the women victimized by Herman Cain, and what happens everytime he walks into Popeye’s to get food. (So basically every other hour..)

He says: “I realized that I, myself, have been a victim of sexual harassment and I didn’t even know it. The ladies behind the counter call me ‘Honey,’ ‘Sweetie,’ and ‘Darlin’.’ …Maybe instead of feeling at home, I should have been offended, called a lawyer, and demanded free spicy chicken for life. I’m not making light of real sexual harassment – we obviously have real issues in this country – like raging unemployment, foreclosures for many homeowners, small business operators going belly up and a national debt that’s destroying our future. Surely those issues matter a whole lot more than a southern man calling an employee, ‘Sweetie’ 15 years ago.”

Oh! I get it! There’s real sexual harassment and fake sexual harassment. Fake sexual harassment happens because women want attention and love to lie about being touched inappropriately, and real sexual harassment doesn’t matter because people are out of work and going through foreclosures. Gotcha.

As for the hilarious Popeye’s comparison,  considering his body is shaped like the reflection in a carnival mirror, you’ve got to wonder if Fuckabee really thinks he can make anyone believe that he doesn’t ’demand free spicy chicken’ everywhere he goes.

The trend of de-legitimization and belittling of women in this country is becoming more and more blatant by the day. But, with Fuckabee,  it’s all under the guise of being a ‘man of faith’..so it’s all good, right?!

God I hate him so much.

Watch the video below.

 

Daily Dickhead(s): Personhood Mississippi

I’m about to take a while to get to my point – so bear with me…

I tend not to look at stats very often as they relate to my numbers here on the site – mostly because I don’t want anything to ever begin to chip away at the sheer enjoyment I get out of writing every day. Though the stats do tell me some pretty interesting things about my readership, they do not break down my readership via state. However, if they did, I’m pretty sure I’d find that the state of Mississippi doesn’t hold the largest concentration of Fredheads – by any stretch.

Of the many jobs I’ve had over the years, selling wholesale body piercing jewelry to tattoo & piercing shops is definitely up there with the most random jobs I’ve ever had. I was one of the top salespeople at our company and traveled a ton for work. One of the places I traveled was – you guessed it – Mississippi.

Being smack dab in the midst of my sluttiest of slutty phases, I was warned by friends and ‘clients’ to stay away from gay bars in Mississippi because men with bats apparently like to wait outside for the gays to stumble out of the bar every night.

When I went down to MS, I stayed in Jackson and was pretty fascinated by what I witnessed while exploring the capital city. It was almost as if my civil war history textbooks from high school had been frozen in time as black people were gardening (plantation-style) on large estates in the baking summer sun. And while walking around downtown, it didn’t take long to figure out Confederate flag memorabilia was more common that a mouthful of teeth or that the n-word was readily rolling off the tongues of white people as readily as “y’all.”

But, perhaps most of all, the thing that struck me the most was the poverty. Driving around some of the most impoverished areas, you’d have sworn you were in the middle of a save-the-children commercial in Africa as opposed to the capital city of one of the 50 US states. I’ll never forget those images as long as I live.

Ever since I can remember, Mississippi has consistently ranked as the poorest and least educatated state in the union. It’s also a heavily Republican state having not voted for a Democrat since 1976.

Just yesterday, I wrote about the Republican strategy for winning elections: Religion + misinformation + stupid people = win. I’m not one to really kick people when they’re down, so I’ll refrain from calling Mississippians ‘stupid.’ Instead let me just say that the “Personhood Mississippi” initiative being voted on next week in the state REAKS of misinforming less educated people.

According to Right Wing Watch: “The proposed law would criminalize abortions without exceptions without exceptions rape, incest or health of the mother, but also potentially ban certain forms of birth control, the treatment of ectopic and problem pregnancies and in-vitro fertilization…”

Considering I’m in a totally goofy mood, I was hoping to keep the subject matter of today’s Daily Dickhead light and funny today – but this proposed law is being voted on NEXT WEEK in Mississippi and the activist in me is telling me to beat the drum of equality loud and clear for women’s rights. Share this with everyone you know and hopefully we can do our part to help educate the voters in Mississippi about what they’re REALLY voting on next week.

Watch the video below and if you’re pressed for time, fast-forward to the fourth minute for the Personhood Mississippi story.

 

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Daily Dickhead(s): Bill “Feminists Want Men” Bennett & Patty Robertson

With all of the focus on civil rights and women’s rights in this country, it’s easy to forget that the true victims of inequality are neither gay, nor female, nor poor or a minority. The real daily struggle in our society belongs to……..men.

You see men account for ONLY:

55% of income earned in the US

80.3% of government officials around the world

83% of US Congress members

95% of domestic violence perpetrators

97% of Fortune 500 CEOs

and, um..

100% of dictators

Yes, regardless of whose life they walk into, men are such victims that one wonders if anything can be done to turn the tide back in their direction…

Well..fear not!

Former Education Secretary, and current misogynist asshole, Bill Bennett, has written a new book entitled The Book Of Man; which seeks to re-masculine-ize our nation by trashing……women and gays! Weeeeeeeeeeeee!

Last week, Bennett appeared on Patty Robertson’s The 700(lbs of poop) Club to promote the aforementioned Book Of Man and they both solved all of the world’s problems  with dialogue such as this:

Bennett: ”What feminism did I think, Pat, was confuse the debate to some extent by saying those expectations we have of boys, the kinds of responsibilities that they will need to take up as men, we’re not sure we need them anymore because we’re not sure we need men any more, well we do need men.”

Robertson: “Well you know it’s interesting in the news today was the changing of the guard at IBM where Palmisano is changing off and a woman’s taking his position as head of this great corporation, IBM.”

Bennett: “That’s right and there’s just a ton of that…fine all power to the women and the girls, as long as we don’t confuse roles and the differences in genders. Boys have to wake up! We got to wake them up!”

Robertson: “What’s this going to do to society, if men don’t take their places as men and suddenly there’s a gap and women and we have a matriarchy. What will this do ultimately to society?”

Bennett: “I think it can hurt society, maybe grievously. Interestingly the feminists are not celebrating this Pat, they want men too. They might want to rail against this and they may want to talk about stereotypes of man and male domination and so on, but women want men. They want men for that strong arm, they want men for that protection, they want men for a partner in marriage and so it’s something that has got very blurred and what I try to do in this book is remind people of things that are true. And to the boys, as you very well said, the array of things offered on TV and elsewhere is very confusing, from macho stuff to gay culture to all sorts of things. What I got here is a point of view that is time tested, based in tradition that will get boys to manhood.”

Yes, Bill, thank you SO MUCH for pointing out how badly we ‘need men’..because we have such a shortage of them, in general, that testicles far and wide have begun to shrivel up, while penises turn into vaginas. True story – but you probably already knew that what with the vast amount of time you’ve put into researching feminists; discovering that they ‘want men too.’

Considering he’s such a prophet, it’s interesting to hear Patty ask questions such as ‘what’s this going to do to society?’ But, I am really glad that that he took the time to address the troubling news that IBM has decided to turn their company into the first known example of a matriarchal business here in the US, by hiring a female CEO.

I mean, what’s next? Gay people running Apple?

Watch the video below.

 

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