Daily Dickhead: Janice “The Troll Of Troy” Daniels (R-MI)

The Tea Party was allegedly supposed to be comprised of a bunch of people fed up with the ways of Washington who wanted to help enact real financial reform after the Wall Street meltdown of 2008. However, it’s become very clear that Tea Partiers are truly just a rebranded version of the extreme Right Wing of the Republican Party; comprised of evangelical Christians and extreme social conservatives.

Janice Daniels is the Republican mayor of Troy, Michigan; elected just four weeks ago on a platform of ‘Tea Party values.’ She kind of looks like Christine Baranski’s ugly cross-eyed sister, but (unlike many tea partiers) seems to understand how to speak the English language – which is one of the reasons why the following Facebook status she wrote in response to New York state’s legalization of gay marriage in June is extremely offensive:

“I think I am going to throw away my ‘I love New York’ carrying bag now that queers can get married there.”

Yea? Wow, you’re SUCH a diva!

In between overly-applying eye shadow, shopping at Ross’s and fixing the hair helmet on her head, Daniels was interviewed by a local news station about her comments and said:

“I regret having said it. It was inappropriate language that I used to describe a group of people, although I do believe that marriage is between one man and one woman. It was just an inappropriate remark and I apologize for it.”

When asked about her thoughts on gay rights, she said this:

“I think as the mayor of Troy my personal opinions aren’t really of the issue. I don’t think it’s an issue the mayor of Troy needs to address.”

Here’s my issue. If Daniels had made the same comment about ANY other minority, she would’ve been drummed out of office. But because she’s speaking about gay people, it’s ok? She says she doesn’t think gay rights is an ‘issue the mayor of Troy needs to address’ which is basically saying ‘gay people don’t live in Troy’ and it’s not an issue. Was she not elected to represent ALL people?

With all of the news about kids being bullied left and right for being gay, our elected officials NEED to be the ones that come out publicly against incendiary language, i.e., anything derogatory. The only way we’re going to be able to get past the issue of bullying is when ‘adults’ in the room (i.e., government officials, teachers and parents) begin acting like adults and setting the example.

Disappointing. Bitch. Disappointing, bitch.

Daily Dickhead: Joe “The Child-Support-Withholding Family Guy” Walsh (R-IL)

It’s no secret that the political system in the US is broken in the eyes of voters all over the country – and rightfully so. Today there are fewer role models than ever among politicians in both parties, and far too many examples of corruption and oxymoronic behavior. But perhaps the worst individual in recent memory to come into the public eye is a freshman Republican in the House Of Representatives (and apparent part-time impersonator of Lurch from The Adaams Family) from Illinois named Joe Walsh.

Walsh rode the Tea Party express to victory in 2010 and has already made a quite a name for himself as…umm…Junior Asshole of the Republican Party. He recently received an award from Tony Perkins of Family Research Council action committee for his ‘unwavering commitment and consistent support of defense of life and the family’  – which is interesting considering he was recently sued by his former wife for $117,437 in unpaid child support (for his 3 children) all while lending $35,000 to his own political campaign and taking multiple international vacations.

Another issue near and dear to the lump of coal in Walsh’s heart is the 2nd Amendment.  Recently, the Republican-lead house voted pretty overwhelmingly in support of the National-Right-To-Carry Reciprocity Act, which requires every state to recognize every other state’s conceal-carry permits.

He said: “Today’s vote brings us one step closer to making Illinois a right-to-carry state and allowing Americans to exercise their Second Amendment rights across state lines.Currently, Illinois is the only state in this nation that denies its citizens the right to keep and bear arms. The vote today shows just how archaic Illinois’ gun laws have become and how important it is that they be repealed…I am pleased with the outcome of today’s vote and will always be an outspoken advocate for Second Amendment rights and particularly, a repeal of Illinois laws preventing the right-to-carry.”

But while Mr. Walsh is aggressively in favor of the 2nd amendment, he doesn’t really seem to keen on the 1st. Earlier this month, Walsh sat down with some of his constituents at a restaurant in suburban Chicago – well, he didn’t so much sit down as he got up and yelled..at anyone who disagreed with him.

The whole tirade is one of the most offensive displays of a lawmaker completely bereft of any respect or manners that you’re likely to see all year from another politician – and that’s saying A LOT. Have a look at the video below.

Daily Dickhead: Victoria “Obama’s A Marxist” Jackson

Former SNL cast member and fan of scrunchies, Victoria Jackson, is quite possibly the biggest bible-thumping space cadet living in a country full of them.

You may remember when a few months ago Victoria-Miss Jackson-Cuz-She’s-Nasty made a bizarre appearance on HLN to rail against a gay kiss on Glee. Well she’s back and last week decided it would be a good idea to dress like Cyndi Lauper’s crackhead twin and bring her tea bagging values to the Occupy Wall Street protests in NYC to interview some of the people marching…but not before riding in a cab and lamenting that the NYC skyline doesn’t include the Twin Towers because “some Muslims crashed into them” while bonding over a mutual love of Jesus with the driver.

Jackson’s always had the voice of a 6 year old lesbian Muppet but, as you’ll see below, her reading level is probably more like that of a 3 year old (ie: she hasn’t learned how to yet). She believes that the protesters are ‘against capitalism’ and thinks that ‘capitalism is a great thing’ yet she clearly has no idea what it even is.

Out of 15 minutes, Jackson uttered painful comment after painful comment, including::

  1. Don’t the rich people..aren’t they the ones who create all the jobs?
  2. I do want to save our Republic
  3. Did you know that Obama’s friends with the guy in charge of GE?
  4. So you’re going to vote for Obama and he’s the one that’s in bed with the corporations?
  5. So you’re not concerned that Obama’s a Marxist?
  6. ..but Jesus said a man should work for his living, not get a handout.
  7. ..but class warfare is Marxist.
  8. Were you inspired by the Egyptian protests?
  9. I’m in the tea party — we’re not violent, we don’t even leave litter.

It’s tough to take her seriously, considering she speaks as if she’s been soaking her tea bags in Smirnoff and eating them whole, and the bitch is obviously more than a couple of pancakes short of a stack.  However, she speaks for a frighteningly large portion of Tea Partiers and people in general. Crazy, huh?

But the real star of the show is the guy who gets the majority of the questions towards the end and, as you’ll see, he held his own beautifully. (Oh and..um..he’s also kind of hot, too, which is always nice.)

Check out the video below.

Andrew Breitbart To Tea Party: “Fire the first shot.”

Today’s Daily Dickhead honors go to Andrew Breitbart for jokes made at a Tea Party rally over the weekend about using guns on liberals. Ha. Ha. Ha.

To say Andrew Breitbart is a dickhead is the equivalent to saying Donald Rumsfeld is a liar with no soul. So rather than stating the obvious, I’ll just say that Breitbart’s permanent seat in the Dickhead Hall of Fame just got a whole lot warmer.

For those of you that have no idea who Andrew Breitbart is, he’s basically the conservative media’s equivalent to Paris Hilton. You know, somebody that’s famous for no reason.

He’s a smarmy political commentator, who reminds me of many of the men I grew up with in Fairfield County, CT: Someone who talks with his teeth closed while speaking with a fake vaguely British accent; wears Ralph Lauren polo shirts with the collar popped up, pleated golf shorts with a duck belt, and has a gut large enough to prevent him from looking down to see the docksiders-with-no-socks he wears around the clock.

Aside from being a jackass, he’s also known for being a…..writer……(I just threw up in my mouth a little)…and has published a few books. As conservatives go, he’s socially liberal and sits on the advisory board for oxymoronic gay conservative group, GOProud.

Unfortunately, for those of us that follow politics, he’s also somewhat of a necessary evil; always bound to pop up out of nowhere and make some sort of inanely provocative comment such as this gem, spoken during a tea party rally in Massachusetts over the weekend:

“I must say, in my non-strategic… ‘cuz I’m under attack all the time, if you see it on Twitter. The (unclear) call me gay, it’s just, they’re vicious, there are death threats, and everything. And so, there are times where I’m not thinking as clearly as I should, and in those unclear moments, I always think to myself, ‘Fire the first shot.’

Bring it on. Because I know who’s on our side. They can only win a rhetorical and propaganda war. They cannot win. We outnumber them in this country, and we have the guns. (laughter) I’m not kidding. They talk a mean game, but they will not cross that line because they know what they’re dealing with.

And I have people who come up to me in the military, major named people in the military, who grab me and they go, ‘Thank you for what you’re doing, we’ve got your back.’

They understand that. These are the unspoken things we know, they know. They know who’s on their side, they’ve got Janeane Garofalo, we are freaked out by that. When push comes to shove, they know who’s on our side. They are the bullies on the playground, and they’re starting to realize, what if we were to fight back, what if we were to slap back?”

Look, I’m the FURTHEST thing from a prude when it comes to humor and I can take A LOT of dirty joking around. However, when it comes to the mention of guns or abuse of any kind, all bets are off. And after witnessing the near-assassination of a member of the House Of Representatives as a result of incendiary comments and imagery (courtesy of Sarah Palin, et al), it’s hard for me to believe that ANYONE would be SO STUPID as to attempt to get their point across and rile up their base by using violent imagery as a catalyst.

Let’s just hope that Andrew Breitbart doesn’t end up with blood on his hands like Sarah Palin. Moron.

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