I was really hoping to find a more light-hearted story to write about for today’s Daily Dickhead, mostly because I miss adding a little satire into my writing. However, I simply cannot ignore the fecal matter being spewed from the mouth of Republican Presidential candidate Rick Santorum.

If you’re a political junkie like me, you’re probably already aware that the Iowa caucus is on the minds of every 24 hour news station 24 hours a day. In which case, you’re probably also aware that former Senator from Pennsylvania, Rick Santorum, is surging in the polls and quite possibly may end up winning the Iowan Republican caucus later today.

It’d take wayyyyyyyyy too long for me to go down the list of appalling things Santorum has said over the years. Plus, why spend time looking for old soundbites when, in the past few days, Santorum has been nothing but a walking soundbite waiting to happen. However, even for Santorum, he was in rare form yesterday when he not only promised to invalidate all gay marriages should he become President, but he also managed to throw down another racist comment to go with one from early 2011.

Quite a busy 24 hours of hate, dontcha think?

In response to a question from Chuck Todd about what would happen to existing marriages if he signed a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriages, Santorum said: “Well, their marriage would be invalid. I think if the constitution says ‘marriage is this,’ then people whose marriage is not consistent with the constitution… I’d love to think there’s another way of doing it.”

In the clip below he keeps talking about marriage being a ‘special’ relationship. And I just don’t get why people think it’s OK to give special privileges to one group of people over another. I know I’m preaching to the choir here, but what on earth is the point of denying people happiness? At the end of the day, does it make these Republicans happy that they’re preventing a specific group of people from having a chance at a loving life with one another?

Next, Santorum decided to make a very off color, blatantly racist comment about black people and government assistance.

He said: “I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them somebody else’s money. I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money and provide for themselves and their families.”

*Interesting side note: The amount of white people on government assistance FAR outnumbers the amount of black people.

And now a little history..

While speaking about President Obama’s views on abortion earlier last year, he said: “I find it almost remarkable for a black man to say, ‘No, we are gonna decide who are people and who are not people.’

Cute.

Watch all 3 videos below.

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Of the many problems I have with religion (and people in general), bossiness is towards the top. Worrying about other people’s lives is a convenient way of taking the spotlight away from our own problems – and no one does this better than priests.

Priests are forced into an unrealistic sexless and loveless life which, as we’ve seen in the past few years, can lead to compulsive sexual and violent behavior – not exactly ‘godlike’ if you ask me. The trade-off for becoming a priest is a supposed lifelong relationship with an invisible man who uses the priest as a conduit to give guidance to worshippers of him.

Why is it that we seek guidance in life from people who aren’t really living one themselves? It’s one of the most bizarre phenomenons out there and one that I’ve always had a negative opinion of – and fascination with. Perhaps my negativity towards religion wouldn’t exist if all priests did the job they’re ‘supposed’ to do by reminding us about the good in everyone. However, instead we have opinionated ‘commercial’ priests, such as Fox ‘News’ contributor Jonathan Morris, bouncing around TV shows and preaching about religion the same way Dr. Phil preaches advice.

Since its inception in 1996, Fox News has done a frighteningly brilliant job making money by exposing the sheer stupidity of the American public. The other day I heard a tea partier say on the network that she wanted to ‘abolish the Department Of Education.’ Why? Because she heard on Fox News that securing our borders was more important. While you ponder the randomness of that logic, consider the fact that this woman has been made to believe that what she’s saying is both intelligent and logical. Bascially, Fox News has hijacked Jesus and spends 24 hours a day speaking from his mouth, as far as their viewers are concerned -therefore making anything they say as good as the gospel itself.

Last week, Fox decided to create even more false urgency over something patently absurd by devoting an entire day’s worth of segments on various news shows towards whether or not President Obama should be criticized for omitting the word ‘god’ from his Thanksgiving Day message to the nation. (Mind you, he *did* mention god in the written message.)

Naturally, Fox’s resident expert on all things godly, Jonathan Morris, was so pissed that you could almost see the horns growing out of his head.

He said: “This is from President Obama in that same address we began with. He says that ‘like much of America’ he’s going to spend his Thanksgiving Day ‘eating lots of good food, watching some football, AND..reFLECTING…..ONNNN…how LUCKY we are. Taking time to reflect on how lucky we are while you’re addressing the nation? It’s taking time to reflect on the wonderful blessings that god has given to us.”

Is it? Because, as Jon Stewart pointed out a couple of nights ago on The Daily Show,‘Thanksgiving was a bunch of Pagans teaching religious zealots how to farm.’

Nuff said. Amen.

Oh, man..where do I even begin with this one?

Former SNL cast member, Victoria “Miss Jackson Cuz She’s Nasty” Jackson, recently started her own YouTube channel, entitled The Patriot Update, where she waxes not-so-poetically about everything she’s an expert on: Islam, Marxism, President Obama’s birthplace, gay people, bibles, etc – all while sounding like Lucille Ball selling Vitameatavegamin (if Lucille Ball happened to speak like a drunk baby) and looking like Raggedy Ann’s fat aunt after being let out of a dryer she’d been locked in for 72 hours straight.

A few weeks ago, a conservative version of The View, called Politichiks, debuted on The Patriot Update; featuring Jackson, some jumprope-sized neck jewelry and 3 other ill-informed airheads, including pro-life speaker and activist Jennique Stewart, editor and activist Jennie Jones and Ann-Marie Murrell, columnist and host of The Patriot Update video show. (Btw, nice incestuous resumes, ladies..)

The show started out with a song from Jackson about ‘The Islamization of America’ as she put it; featuring the following lyrics:

They like beheadings and pedophile weddings

And then they pray five times a day

They like to kill anyone who will not say the things they want you to say

Sharia Law, Sharia Law..what more can be said?

If you say ‘go away’ they put a fatwa on your head.

Lovely.

After Jackson’s charming jingle had come to an end, the four women then decided to awkwardly banter with one another, spouting endless Paris Hilton-worthy pearls of profundity, such as these:

“I don’t get why liberals are pro-Muslim and pro-gay because Muslims kill gays.”

and

“They’re (students) given special foot-washing baths on the University Of Michigan campus, but we can’t have our Christmas trees?”

(WHAT?)

But the ladies saved the best parts for last while speaking about gay marriage; whining that, while they may disagree with liberals about gay marriage, this is really a freedom of speech issue and that ‘straights outnumber gays 8-2′…or something.

Since I don’t even know where to begin, I’m just going to….um…..end – and let you watch the rest for yourself.

I haven’t had a chance to get my feelings on paper re: Occupy Wall Street. But, after paying close attention for the last week or so to everything from Michael Bloomberg’s uncalled-for raid of Zuccotti Park in NYC, to the countless offensive comments being hurled at the protestors via our elected/bought officials in Congress, I decided over the weekend that I simply can’t take it anymore. However, today, my anger is directed towards one man: Newt Gingrich.

While the past week has seen my blood boil steadily for the aforementioned reasons above, I officially blew my stack after watching the comments made by uber-slimeball/lying dickwad, Newt Gingrich, during the 844534599^th Republican presidential debate in Iowa over the weekend.

According to Mediaite: “Gingrich argued that Occupy movement was grounded in entitlement– ‘all the Occupy movement starts with the premise that we all owe them everything.’ With that in mind, Gingrich explained that their point was to ‘self-righteously explain that they are the paragons of virtue to which we owe everything,’ which was indicative of ‘how the left has collapsed as a moral system.’ Gingrich concluded with a flourish that the group needs to ‘go get a job after you take a bath’ to raucous applause, and the praise of federal candidate Herman Cain.”

Before I go after Gingrich, let me just say that I find the Occupy Wall Street movement to be one of the most invigorating things to happen in my lifetime. The criticisms have been plenty: What is their goal? Who is their leader? Where do they poop? But in my mind, the message has been pretty clear: We want jobs and we’re sick of having a COUNTRY (not just an economy, but a COUNTRY) controlled only by the wealthiest people.

From healthcare to unemployment to corruption to social injustice, women’s rights and more, the amount of power that the wealthiest 1% have right now is staggering and appalling. Occupy Wall Street is an ENORMOUS movement filled with people that are upset about a whole myriad of issues and for a whole host of reasons.

Activism comes in all shapes and sizes and, truthfully, the only people that don’t understand activism are those that aren’t activists themselves.  From the obnoxiously loud, to the silently marching, the goal of activism is to get as many people as possible to talk about issues that aren’t being talked about – in the hopes of creating real change from the bottom up as opposed to from the top down. I think the protesters are doing a great job and I hope they’ll be able to keep it up through the cold winter months and beyond.

Ok, now let’s talk Newt Gingrich.

If the bar of ethics is being set by Newt Gingrich we are all in serious trouble. Gingrich is the same man who got President Clinton impeached for having an extra marital affair while he was in office……all while at the same time HE was having his own extramarital affair while…..um…IN OFFICE! He’s also a man who divorced his wife as she lay dying of cancer. I could go on and on, but in a nutshell he IS the slimiest of the slime.

Last Friday, Rachel Maddow took Gingrich to task in a way that only she can, when she said:

“Newt Gingrich… is a scam! Newt Gingrich’s profession since he got kicked out of Congress under a cloud of ethics charges related to fundraising, his full-time profession has been selling access to himself as someone who is influential because of his time as a public servant. He has been marketing the Speakership of the House for his own private financial gain to anybody who will pay him. Anybody he can scam money out of, even if he has to do it by fax with fake handwriting. For decades he has been doing this, this is why he is now a zillionaire.”

Watch Gingrich’s gross comments below and then Rachel Maddow’s perfect summary of why he sucks, below that.

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