As you may have heard, the legalization of gay marriage is ruining lives left and right. Heterosexual marriages are being thrown into disarray; natural disasters are tearing the earth apart; animals are dying at random and in droves; and farmers are divorcing their wives and marrying their cattle. Yes, gay people are plotting a world takeover which will include making it illegal for women to have any haircut other than Martina Navratilova’s infamous mullet circa 1991, and renaming every island in the world to La Isla Bonita.
But, unfortunately, there’s more..
Last week, Michele Batshitty Bachmann’s campaign announced that it had named Tamara Scott to serve as its Iowa Co-Chair. In order to mark such a momentous occasion, Tamara decided the most logical way to celebrate would be to hop aboard the crazy train and head straight into the arms of toupee’d former Iowa gubernatorial candidate (and total goober), Bob Vander Plaats, to warn the world of yet another consequence of the gay agenda: People marrying objects – like the Eiffel Tower. Seriously.
She says: “We have in Boston – in Illinois – polyamory sex. We didn’t bring up even the objective sexualism: When a woman marries the Eiffel Tower, or someone marries an object. Now will we again – and when I say this all of you at home are (probably) thinking ‘This woman is NUTS!’ I’m not making it up..”
You? Nuts? Nah.. Maybe a tad geographically challenged (Boston, Illinois?), but certainly not nuts. In fact, I can personally vouch for the truth that Tamara speaks because I saw it with my own gay eyes.
When gay marriage was legalized in Iowa back in 2009, like many gays, I decided to go to Paris to celebrate. Upon arriving at Charles de Gaulle Airport, I decided to get my souvenir shopping out of the way. But to my dismay, EVERY shop was sold out of anything remotely shaped like the Eiffel Tower. While I was certainly upset, I didn’t think anything of it – until I arrived in downtown Paris. What I witnessed can only be described as the sickest consequence of allowing gay people to marry in Iowa..
:::cue Twilight Zone theme song:::
..as the complete sexual objectification of monuments all over the city of lights had begun! Everywhere I turned women were walking around with Eiffel Tower souvenirs sticking out of their vaginas. They’d taken over every restaurant, cafe, bus, subway and sidewalk with their sick public displays of souvenir affection – and there was nothing I could do.
I’ve never been so scared in my life!
So what did I do? Well, I did what any self-respecting gay man does in such a crisis – I looked for signs of Jesus in every nook, cranny, book and granny. I searched and searched and searched..until FINALLY I found him on a piece of toast; hopped on board and flew back to the US – safe and sound.
Nobody should have to go through the ordeal that I went through in Paris in 2009. We all must listen to Tamara Scott and prevent gay couples from living happy lives together with protection under the law before women beginning acting out and marrying monuments all over the country.
Watch her PSA below and vote for Michele Bachmann for President in 2012. Please.