Co-Daily Dickhead: Megyn (with a y) Kelly & Maggie Gallagher

Breaking news: Megyn Kelly spells her name weirdly. Breaking news: Megyn Kelly had a brain transfusion with a baboon. Breaking news: Megyn Kelly uses a dildo covered in American stars and stripes.  Breaking news: Megyn Kelly is today’s Daily Dickhead.

You may have heard that yesterday President Obama declared that the federal government was no going to defend The Defense of Marriage Act (or DOMA) in a court of law. DOMA was signed into law by President Clinton back in 1996 and says that ‘no state needs to treat as a marriage a same-sex relationship considered marriage in another state.’ It also ‘defines marriage between one man and one woman.’

Obviously this is big news and an important move by the Obama administration..and the correct move. I’m going to try not to sound like a broken record, but it’s about time that gay men and women weren’t treated like second class citizens by our own government.

Megyn Kelly, however, disagrees. To prove just how ‘fair and balanced’ Fox ‘News’ is, she invited Maggie Gallagher, from the National Organization for Marriage, on her show. They proceeded to basically finger fuck each other over the phone while each one of them attempted to come up with a different way to say that ‘DOMA is the law and President Obama is breaking the law.’

But, as Maggie points out, there may actually be a silver lining in this presidential obstruction of justice:

‘Here is the good news Megyn, President Obama wasn’t really defending this law at all. His Justice Department was trying to throw this case and I think this now open up for the House to intervene in this case and to get somebody in court who actually wants to defend the law. So in a backwards way, I think it’s going to end up being good news for the Defense of Marriage Act.’

Yes, Maggie, that really is good news. The other piece of really good news is that you look like this:

Poor Maggie Gallagher needs a map to find her own vagina and it probably hasn’t been touched since 1973 (if at all).

The best part of this video is at the end (and not just because it’s over) where Megyn says in her best ‘duh’ voice: ‘This is NOT the last you’re going to be hearing about this.’


 

Daily Dickhead: Patricia Jones (D-UT)

Those of you that think I only attack Republicans are in for a real treat today as State Senator Pat Jones (D-UT) is today’s Daily Dickhead.

At this point I’ve probably made it pretty clear what my beliefs are. There are 3 issues that I am extremely passionate about: 1) Human Rights/LGBT Rights 2) Women’s rights and 3) Animal Rights. Out of those three, the two sub-issues that seem to be constantly in the media of late are gay marriage and abortion. I believe in a woman’s right to choose. I also believe in equal rights for ALL people. Included in equal rights of all people is the right for gays to adopt.

Lord knows there are many people that giving birth that had no business getting pregnant in the first place, much less raising kids. However, there are also many parents that have enough self-awareness to give a baby up for adoption if they’re not able to properly care for the baby. To suggest for one minute that there is only one prescription for the love a child needs from a parent is not only preposterous, but it’s flat-out cruel. To say that the only type of love that an orphaned child should be allowed to be given is that of heterosexual men and women is so discriminatory that it toes the line with being comparable to not allowing someone to adopt a child because of the color of their skin. Discrimination is discrimination and it’s simply not fair that gay people are constantly made to feel as though their love isn’t worthy. So not only is our love not worthy enough to legally marry one another, but it’s also not worthy enough to raise a child? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I’d love to know who the person ‘rating’ love is and get his ass fired.

Sen. Pat Jones, has been known as an advocate to the LGBT community out in Utah; a state that sorely needs gay allies. So when she turned around and did an about-face by voting against adoption rights for gay couples last week, you can imagine she ruffled more than a few feathers. As you’ll see in the video below, she continued to make matters worse by saying:

“I live in an area, as many of you are aware … that’s really very conservative. I have walked this district five times, five election cycles. I feel like I know what’s on the minds of the constituents in this area,” State Sen. Jones said. “My personal belief is that marriage should be between one man and one woman, and that kids are better served … in a traditional family.”

To say I’m fucking sick of politicians giving in to cowardly behavior and not standing up for what’s right, not to mention what they’ve always claimed to stand for, would be redundant, at best. It shouldn’t be this difficult to find true leaders with spines. Shame on Pat Jones for befriending and lying to the gay community in order to get elected; only to turn around and stab us in the back like everybody else. Disgusting.

Tell Senator Jones how you feel!

Sign the petition by going to: https://www.change.org/petitions/tell-sen-patricia-jones-lgbt-families-deserve-equal-rights

Alfred Baldasaro (R-NH), Fenton Green (R-NH) & Howard Kaufman (R-Moron)

are forever to be known from here on out as The Dickhead Trifecta. Yes, for the first time we have three people sharing the Daily Dickhead award due to their totally logical theories for opposition towards gay marriage in New Hampshire.

Let’s begin with Mr. Baldasaro’s genius lie about Canadian polygamists: ‘The same thing happened in Canada, where they passed gay marriage. Now they’re fighting in the courts to get 3 husbands, 3 wives.’

Uh huh. I totally heard about the rampant cases of Canadian polygamy sweeping the country.  I love when people just say crazy shit for the sake of it.  And can I just ask why we’re being lumped into every conversation with polygamy and bestiality? Amazing.

Next, we have New Hampshire state senator, Fenton Green’s theory about life expectancy: ‘Homosexuality will significantly increase their risk of serious diseases and can be expected to significantly shorten their lives.’

And, last but not least, we have a man named Howard Kaufman who claims that ‘a future redefinition of marriage that permits polygamy would facilitate the introduction of Sharia or Islamic law that permits men to have up to four wives.’

Cuz who doesn’t love tying gays and Muslims into any argument, right?

Listen to the hilarity below which, randomly, includes a woman singing (badly) in support of gay marriage:

Daily Dickhead: Tom Delay (R-TX)

I don’t really want to waste to much energy on condemning someone who pretty  is pretty the definition of the term ‘human waste.’

Tom Delay (R-TX) is one of the slimiest human beings to ever walk the planet.  If you need a mini walk down memory lane, take a look at Exhibit A, Delay’s quotes about gay marriage he gave on the House floor a few years ago:

“This nation knows that if you destroy marriage as the definition of one man and one woman, creating children so that we can transfer our values to those children and they can be raised in an ideal home, this country will go down.

So believe me, everybody in this country’s going to know how you voted today. They’re going to know how you stood on the fundamental protection of marriage and the definition of marriage. And we will take it from here and we will come back, and we will come back, and we will come back. We will never give up. We will protect marriage in this country.”

For those of you that aren’t aware, Delay has been convicted on felony charges of money laundering for illegally funneling corporate dollars into state legislative races back in 2002.  Unsurprisingly, Delay has decided to blame the liberal court system in the county in which he was tried.  According to Delay, his case was tried in the ‘most liberal city in America.’

And what city might that be?  San Francisco? New York? Provincetown, MA?

Oh..you were talking about Austin, TX?  Right.  Austin, TX is so liberal that one of my close lesbian friends and her partner regularly received death threats and were almost deliberately run over by cars several times while living there.  To say Austin, TX is the most liberal city in TX (much less the US), is like saying Kandahar is the safest city in Afghanistan.

However, the best part of this whole story for me comes in the form of poetic justice as Rosemary Lehmberg, the district attorney in Delay’s case, is an out and proud lesbian.  I wonder if that had anything to do with Delay’s liberal conspiracy theory?

What a dickhead.

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