Daily Dickhead: Rick “The Bigoted Racist” Santorum

santorumI was really hoping to find a more light-hearted story to write about for today’s Daily Dickhead, mostly because I miss adding a little satire into my writing. However, I simply cannot ignore the fecal matter being spewed from the mouth of Republican Presidential candidate Rick Santorum.

If you’re a political junkie like me, you’re probably already aware that the Iowa caucus is on the minds of every 24 hour news station 24 hours a day. In which case, you’re probably also aware that former Senator from Pennsylvania, Rick Santorum, is surging in the polls and quite possibly may end up winning the Iowan Republican caucus later today.

It’d take wayyyyyyyyy too long for me to go down the list of appalling things Santorum has said over the years. Plus, why spend time looking for old soundbites when, in the past few days, Santorum has been nothing but a walking soundbite waiting to happen. However, even for Santorum, he was in rare form yesterday when he not only promised to invalidate all gay marriages should he become President, but he also managed to throw down another racist comment to go with one from early 2011.

Quite a busy 24 hours of hate, dontcha think?

In response to a question from Chuck Todd about what would happen to existing marriages if he signed a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriages, Santorum said: “Well, their marriage would be invalid. I think if the constitution says ‘marriage is this,’ then people whose marriage is not consistent with the constitution… I’d love to think there’s another way of doing it.”

In the clip below he keeps talking about marriage being a ‘special’ relationship. And I just don’t get why people think it’s OK to give special privileges to one group of people over another. I know I’m preaching to the choir here, but what on earth is the point of denying people happiness? At the end of the day, does it make these Republicans happy that they’re preventing a specific group of people from having a chance at a loving life with one another?

Next, Santorum decided to make a very off color, blatantly racist comment about black people and government assistance.

He said: “I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them somebody else’s money. I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money and provide for themselves and their families.

*Interesting side note: The amount of white people on government assistance FAR outnumbers the amount of black people.

And now a little history..

While speaking about President Obama’s views on abortion earlier last year, he said: “I find it almost remarkable for a black man to say, ‘No, we are gonna decide who are people and who are not people.’

Cute.

Watch all 3 videos below.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

 

 

Daily Dickhead: Janice “The Troll Of Troy” Daniels (R-MI)

The Tea Party was allegedly supposed to be comprised of a bunch of people fed up with the ways of Washington who wanted to help enact real financial reform after the Wall Street meltdown of 2008. However, it’s become very clear that Tea Partiers are truly just a rebranded version of the extreme Right Wing of the Republican Party; comprised of evangelical Christians and extreme social conservatives.

Janice Daniels is the Republican mayor of Troy, Michigan; elected just four weeks ago on a platform of ‘Tea Party values.’ She kind of looks like Christine Baranski’s ugly cross-eyed sister, but (unlike many tea partiers) seems to understand how to speak the English language – which is one of the reasons why the following Facebook status she wrote in response to New York state’s legalization of gay marriage in June is extremely offensive:

“I think I am going to throw away my ‘I love New York’ carrying bag now that queers can get married there.”

Yea? Wow, you’re SUCH a diva!

In between overly-applying eye shadow, shopping at Ross’s and fixing the hair helmet on her head, Daniels was interviewed by a local news station about her comments and said:

“I regret having said it. It was inappropriate language that I used to describe a group of people, although I do believe that marriage is between one man and one woman. It was just an inappropriate remark and I apologize for it.”

When asked about her thoughts on gay rights, she said this:

“I think as the mayor of Troy my personal opinions aren’t really of the issue. I don’t think it’s an issue the mayor of Troy needs to address.”

Here’s my issue. If Daniels had made the same comment about ANY other minority, she would’ve been drummed out of office. But because she’s speaking about gay people, it’s ok? She says she doesn’t think gay rights is an ‘issue the mayor of Troy needs to address’ which is basically saying ‘gay people don’t live in Troy’ and it’s not an issue. Was she not elected to represent ALL people?

With all of the news about kids being bullied left and right for being gay, our elected officials NEED to be the ones that come out publicly against incendiary language, i.e., anything derogatory. The only way we’re going to be able to get past the issue of bullying is when ‘adults’ in the room (i.e., government officials, teachers and parents) begin acting like adults and setting the example.

Disappointing. Bitch. Disappointing, bitch.

Daily Dickhead(s): Victoria Jackson; Politichiks

Oh, man..where do I even begin with this one?

Former SNL cast member, Victoria “Miss Jackson Cuz She’s Nasty” Jackson, recently started her own YouTube channel, entitled The Patriot Update, where she waxes not-so-poetically about everything she’s an expert on: Islam, Marxism, President Obama’s birthplace, gay people, bibles, etc – all while sounding like Lucille Ball selling Vitameatavegamin (if Lucille Ball happened to speak like a drunk baby) and looking like Raggedy Ann’s fat aunt after being let out of a dryer she’d been locked in for 72 hours straight.

A few weeks ago, a conservative version of The View, called Politichiks, debuted on The Patriot Update; featuring Jackson, some jumprope-sized neck jewelry and 3 other ill-informed airheads, including pro-life speaker and activist Jennique Stewart, editor and activist Jennie Jones and Ann-Marie Murrell, columnist and host of The Patriot Update video show. (Btw, nice incestuous resumes, ladies..)

The show started out with a song from Jackson about ‘The Islamization of America’ as she put it; featuring the following lyrics:

They like beheadings and pedophile weddings

And then they pray five times a day

They like to kill anyone who will not say the things they want you to say

Sharia Law, Sharia Law..what more can be said?

If you say ‘go away’ they put a fatwa on your head.

Lovely.

After Jackson’s charming jingle had come to an end, the four women then decided to awkwardly banter with one another, spouting endless Paris Hilton-worthy pearls of profundity, such as these:

“I don’t get why liberals are pro-Muslim and pro-gay because Muslims kill gays.”

and

“They’re (students) given special foot-washing baths on the University Of Michigan campus, but we can’t have our Christmas trees?”

(WHAT?)

But the ladies saved the best parts for last while speaking about gay marriage; whining that, while they may disagree with liberals about gay marriage, this is really a freedom of speech issue and that ‘straights outnumber gays 8-2′…or something.

Since I don’t even know where to begin, I’m just going to….um…..end – and let you watch the rest for yourself.

Daily Dickhead: Pastor Tom “Gays Have Intestinal Parasites” Vineyard

There are many legitimate reasons not to let gays have equal protection under the law – and by ‘many’ I mean zero. In the last few years we’ve heard that giving equal rights to gay people will lead to everything from men marrying farm animals, to an increase in natural disasters, to the ruining of countless heterosexual marriages – not to mention the resurrection of Mariah Carey’s career. But while all of those fears are completely warranted, the one we all really need to pay close attention to is the rampant trend of gay murderers infiltrating every major US city. Allow me to explain..

Yesterday, the great metropolis that is Oklahoma City voted 7-2 in favor of adding sexual orientation to the city’s law against discrimination in the workplace – which is a pretty healthy margin considering you’d be hard pressed to find a more conservative state in the union than Oklahoma.

After the vote (I think), a town hall meeting was held in the city for residents to voice their opinions on the measure. And though I’m sure there were a whole host of wonderfully mullet’d points of view spoken into the microphone, it’s difficult to imagine that anyone arrived to the forum on the same crazy train as a Pastor named Tom Vineyard; who said:

“Let me give you some statistics..while there are only 2%-3% of the population that are homosexual, they account for 60% of all syphilis cases; homosexuals account for a disproportionate number of  Hepititis cases in North America. 70-80% in San Francisco; 66% in New York; 56% in Toronto; 42% in Montreal. I don’t think that’s what we’re looking for when we’re looking towards other cities to keep up with them. Depending on the city, 30-39% of homosexuals are infested with intestinal parasites – common in 3rd World countries. Again, I don’t think that’s what we’re looking for when we look to other cities. Judge John Martaw, Chief Magistrate of the New York City criminal court stated ‘homosexuals account for half the murderers in large cities..”

Now, while it may seem as though Pastor Vineyard’s case against protecting gays from workplace discrimination is a little..oh, I dunno..random, he really does make a few compelling arguments. I mean for one, I think we can all agree that no one wants to work with someone who has syphilis or hepatitis – and  if we do, why we can’t fire them for having either disease is beyond me. (I’m hoping you are all sensing my sarcasm, here..). And thank god (as I’m sure Mr. Vineyard spends most of his waking days doing) that he cited Canadian statistics for his American argument because we all know how Canadians love to smuggle their STDs across the US border. Oh and I may just eat alone from now on if I have to eat lunch next to one more gay guy with intestinal parasites.

What.tha.fuck.dot.com?

What a turd.

Watch the video below.

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