Daily Dickhead: Kasey “Ew Boobies Are Gross” Kahne

Of the many phobias I will never be able to fully grasp, the fear of tits in this country has got to be in my top 3. Perhaps it’s because I grew up in a European family and both of my parents walked around naked at varying points throughout my childhood. Or maybe it’s because while growing up I used to spend every summer in France, a country where a naked tit is about as common as a naked tat on St. Marks place in the East Village (of New York City).

Tittie taboo is bizarre – plain and simple. And, while I’m aware that the sexualization of tits is the main culprit here, I can’t help but think it’s really yet another example of an attempt to put women in a place of submission in society.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about supermarket chain, Wegman’s, and their decision to relegate Cosmomopolitan Magazine to the smut section and censor their cover featuring Adele because she was showing too much cleavage. Apparently, now we’re not just scared of tits, we’re scared of the idea of tits.

Enter presumed heterosexual/brain deficient NASCAR posterboy, Kasey Kahne, who last week did his best ew-women-are-gross impression when he tweeted his discomfort over a woman breastfeeding her child in the grocery store. OH NO!

He tweeted: “Just walked through supermarket. See a mom breastfeeding little kid. Took second look because I was obviously seeing things. I wasn’t! One boob put away and one boob hanging!!! #Nasty. I don’t feel like shopping anymore or eating.” 

He then responded to a woman who disagreed with him by saying: “and your a dumb bitch.”

It’s good to know that the grammar of NASCAR’s drivers is consistent with the majority of NASCAR’s fans. Just sayin.

Seriously, though, will men ever realize that the existence of breasts has NOTHING to do with their boners? I realize we’re scraping the bottom of the barrel when we begin to question the thought process of anyone NASCAR-related, but cmon. This mother is trying to feed her baby and you bring it back to you? Take your head out of the exhaust pipe and have some manners and some respect for women – (unfortunately for us) one birthed you, remember?

Jackass.

Watch the video below.

Daily Dickhead: Rick “The Bigoted Racist” Santorum

santorumI was really hoping to find a more light-hearted story to write about for today’s Daily Dickhead, mostly because I miss adding a little satire into my writing. However, I simply cannot ignore the fecal matter being spewed from the mouth of Republican Presidential candidate Rick Santorum.

If you’re a political junkie like me, you’re probably already aware that the Iowa caucus is on the minds of every 24 hour news station 24 hours a day. In which case, you’re probably also aware that former Senator from Pennsylvania, Rick Santorum, is surging in the polls and quite possibly may end up winning the Iowan Republican caucus later today.

It’d take wayyyyyyyyy too long for me to go down the list of appalling things Santorum has said over the years. Plus, why spend time looking for old soundbites when, in the past few days, Santorum has been nothing but a walking soundbite waiting to happen. However, even for Santorum, he was in rare form yesterday when he not only promised to invalidate all gay marriages should he become President, but he also managed to throw down another racist comment to go with one from early 2011.

Quite a busy 24 hours of hate, dontcha think?

In response to a question from Chuck Todd about what would happen to existing marriages if he signed a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriages, Santorum said: “Well, their marriage would be invalid. I think if the constitution says ‘marriage is this,’ then people whose marriage is not consistent with the constitution… I’d love to think there’s another way of doing it.”

In the clip below he keeps talking about marriage being a ‘special’ relationship. And I just don’t get why people think it’s OK to give special privileges to one group of people over another. I know I’m preaching to the choir here, but what on earth is the point of denying people happiness? At the end of the day, does it make these Republicans happy that they’re preventing a specific group of people from having a chance at a loving life with one another?

Next, Santorum decided to make a very off color, blatantly racist comment about black people and government assistance.

He said: “I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them somebody else’s money. I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money and provide for themselves and their families.

*Interesting side note: The amount of white people on government assistance FAR outnumbers the amount of black people.

And now a little history..

While speaking about President Obama’s views on abortion earlier last year, he said: “I find it almost remarkable for a black man to say, ‘No, we are gonna decide who are people and who are not people.’

Cute.

Watch all 3 videos below.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

 

 

Daily Dickhead: Todd “I Beat People And Heal Them” Bentley

Todd Bentley is a tattooed “Canadian Christian evangelist” who ‘found’ god at the age of 18 after being convicted of sexual assault and overdosing on amphetamines and hallucinogenics. He looks like the ugly brother of Fred Durst and like someone who would possibly go ape shit and kill you while piercing your belly button. What I’m saying is, in this case, it is perfectly acceptable to judge a book by its cover as this dude is more than a couple of pancakes short of a stack – you know, loco en la cabeza.

Bentley believes in supernatural healing; he’s like a more violent version of those guys you see on TV touching people’s heads and claiming that they’ve just been stroked by the hand of god and healed; making them fall over.

In 2008, in the midst of marital problems which lead to a divorce, Bentley found time to heal a woman with crippled legs by “banging them up and down on the platform like a baseball bat.” Why? Well because god told him to, of course!

He says: “I walked up and I grabbed her legs and I started going BAM. I started banging them up and down on the platform. She got healed.”

He then asked god “Why is not the power of God moving?” (i.e, the bitch was just laying there and couldn’t move after being kicked. Imagine that!)

God replied: “Because you haven’t kicked that woman in the face.” At which point, you guessed it, Bentley kicked her in the face and then she was allegedly ‘healed.’

But that was in 2008. Bentley lands in the dickhead zone today for his claim to have healed a man with cancer and a broken sternum by..um…PUNCHING HIM IN THE STERNUM. He appeared on Rick Joyner (of thunder-means-god-is-speaking-to-you and stack-bibles-around-your-house-to-save-you-from-earthquakes fame)’s show, Prophetic Perspectives, to discuss this miraculous cancer healing.

He says: “He (the man) didn’t come for the service; he was at the hotel here. And he heard me give this word ‘I’m going to pray for anyone that has cancer right now.’ And I didn’t realize he was in a truck accident and he broke his sternum and he had several broken ribs – the lord didn’t tell me this………So when he finally came up onto the platform and I was going to go pray for him the lord spoke to me – and I know it was the lord, we only do this when it’s the lord……The lord told me ‘I want you to punch him in the sternum as hard as you can.’”

This is why I think religion is nuts. Take religion out of the equation and this is just some crazy guy hearing voices. But under the guise of that voice being the voice of god, he’s considered a hero? Give me a fucking break.

Watch the video below.

Daily Dickhead: Rick “God Speaks Through Thunder” Joyner

Some of you may remember Rick Joyner as the man who thankfully warned us about a MASSIVE earthquake that was set to strike the US on the heels of the MASSIVE earthquake that struck Japan earlier this year. He reminded us that when we prepare for natural disasters, it’s important to remember to have both edible and spiritual food on hand – and to stockpile bibles around the perimeter of our homes.

Well, last month Joyner visited the The Jim Bakker Show to have an on-air moment between himself, Bakker, some lady beautifully styled as Nancy Grace’s turd and…god – who speaks to Joyner via thunder and lightning. The three gathered on a TV set seemingly located inside Santa’s large intestine, to talk about giving money to Bakker’s ministry and why we need to support Israel. As they spoke, it began to thunder – thus signaling god’s approval and validating everything being said.

JOYNER: “Ya know, lightning speaks of revelation – when lightening goes forth it illuminates everything. Thunder speaks of the voice of the lord – and he thundered. And, uh..I love thunder; love lightning – just don’t want it too close.”

(PS: LOVE how Nancy Grace’s troll turd keeps saying ‘Yea…yea..yea..” in the background.)

Next, it was Bakker’s turn to have a moment with god’s thunder.

BAKKER: “Ooooh – that was the biggest thunder yet. God is really pleased and upset. I wanna tell ya – that bolt of thunder hit; you may not have heard it at home. But I wanna tell ya..god’s brokenhearted when America disobeys him. God is grieved when his people..don’t understand what Israel is; what his word says.”

If you only take one thing out of this experience, let it be the important reminder that lightening ‘illuminates everything,’ ok?

Watch the video below.

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