APPLE CUSTOMER SERVICE: Hi, thank you for calling Apple. My name is Genoa, just like the salami. How may I assist you?
ME (laughing): Hello, Genoa Just Like The Salami. I just updated my iPhone 4 with the new software and everything in my phone is now written in Japanese for some reason. So weird, right?
GENOA: What seems to be the problem?
ME: Well..I don’t speak Japanese and can’t understand anything in my phone.
GENOA: What language would you like your phone to be in?
GENOA: Have you tried updating your phone?
ME: Yes, as I just said, the reason my phone turned Japanese is BECAUSE of the update.
GENOA: Did you change your settings to Japanese?
ME: What? No, I don’t speak Japanese so why would I do that?
GENOA: It’s a simple question, sir. I suggest you restore your phone to its original factory settings.
ME: Ok, that’s what I’ll do, thanks.
GENOA: Before you go, I’d like to congratulate you as you’ve been randomly selected to take part in a 5 minute survey.
ME: Lucky me. Why are you congratulating me? I’m not excited about it.
GENOA: Not everybody gets this opportunity.
ME: Right. Well, Genoa Like The Salami, I’ll let the next lucky guy have a shot at this wonderful opportunity to spend the next 5 minutes taking your survey. Thank you for your help.
GENOA: I’d really appreciate you taking the time to complete this survey.
ME: You must be related to my mother. Fine, I’ll take the survey.
..after I grab a cocktail.