ME: Hi, Grandma.
GM: Why did nobody tell me Al Gore died?
ME: Huh?
GM: Al Gore died over the summer and nobody had the decency to tell me.
ME: You’re a republican.
GM: Well I still feel as though someone should’ve told me.
ME: But he didn’t die.
GM: I was watching a biography on his life earlier. I had no idea he wrote Ben Hur, did you?
ME: What the hell are you talking about?
GM: He was a homosexual.
ME: Why do you speak in code? I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about.
GM: He really was a great writer.
ME: OH, wait. Are you trying to talk about Gore VIDAL? Al Gore didn’t write Ben Hur – Gore Vidal did, you boob. Did someone spike your sippy cup this morning?
GM: Very funny. Wasn’t he married to that woman Trapper at some point? She wasn’t mentioned in the biography. How could he be a homosexual?
ME: OH MY GOD – He’s NOT. Al Gore is NOT gay and didn’t write Ben Hur. His ex-wife’s name is Tipper and he was our Vice President while you were apparently on drugs. You are forbidden to call me anytime before happy hour for the rest of my life.
