Daily Dickhead: Patrick “Gay Sex Causes Diaper Wearing” Wooden

As gay people in the US slowly begin to gain the rights they deserve, the heterosexual obsession with the homosexual lifestyle has reached fever pitch in the last few years. As is the case with most issues of human rights, the conversation against gay rights continues to be dictated by heterosexual men, who frankly find the idea of sex between two men to be repulsive. And my question continues to be WHY DO THEY CARE?!

As many of you know, I’ve highlighted many absurd arguments made by various people against the gay lifestyle. However, out of all of the arguments that I’ve heard, I don’t think I can honestly say that I’ve heard anyone use the having-anal-sex-leads-to-a-lifetime-of-wearing-diapers-and-buttplugs-stance.

Yes, a North Carolina pastor, by the name of Patrick Wooden, was a guest on Peter LaBarbera and Matt Barber’s Christian verbal orgy and got EXTREMELY graphic about the dangers of anal sex.

He said: “The God of the Bible made the human sperm, the God of the Bible designed it and it was not designed to be emptied into an area that is filled with feces, there is nothing for it to germinate with, it will most certainly mean the extinction of the human race. My belief is that if the medical community would just step forward and just would share with the American people what happens to the male anus, the problems that homosexuals have with their rectums, the damage that is done, the operations that are needed to sew up their bodies if you will, and how many of the men don’t even give these stitches time to heal before they are back out there practicing that wicked behavior. Some are bleeders, men who are not turned off by ingesting the feces of other men… If the truth was told, people would literally gag and no one would want to be in a lifestyle like that. Who wants to practice anything that is going to ultimately lead a grown man to about the time he’s in his 40s or 50s, or what not, having to wear a diaper or a butt plug just to be able to contain their bowels?”

Fascinating. I mean who knew that in between visits to Tim Tebow in Denver, god spends his time designing anally-incompatible sperm?

Here’s the deal, peeps: I hinted earlier this week that I just may have had sex once or twice in my life. This may shock you, but I’ve also had a fair amount of butt sex, too – both ways. And guess what? I haven’t worn a diaper since I was a baby and I’ve never used a butt plug. Yes, folks, my asshole is fine – thanks for asking.

Side note: The male g-spot is located…..drumroll, please….in the ass! Believe it.

Listen to the absurdity below.


If you want music, you’ll find it everywhere on this site..If you want to laugh, go to the Daily Fred section and read all of my silly daily observations about life, people, and politicians.

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