Daily Dickhead: Todd “I Beat People And Heal Them” Bentley

Todd Bentley is a tattooed “Canadian Christian evangelist” who ‘found’ god at the age of 18 after being convicted of sexual assault and overdosing on amphetamines and hallucinogenics. He looks like the ugly brother of Fred Durst and like someone who would possibly go ape shit and kill you while piercing your belly button. What I’m saying is, in this case, it is perfectly acceptable to judge a book by its cover as this dude is more than a couple of pancakes short of a stack – you know, loco en la cabeza.

Bentley believes in supernatural healing; he’s like a more violent version of those guys you see on TV touching people’s heads and claiming that they’ve just been stroked by the hand of god and healed; making them fall over.

In 2008, in the midst of marital problems which lead to a divorce, Bentley found time to heal a woman with crippled legs by “banging them up and down on the platform like a baseball bat.” Why? Well because god told him to, of course!

He says: “I walked up and I grabbed her legs and I started going BAM. I started banging them up and down on the platform. She got healed.”

He then asked god “Why is not the power of God moving?” (i.e, the bitch was just laying there and couldn’t move after being kicked. Imagine that!)

God replied: “Because you haven’t kicked that woman in the face.” At which point, you guessed it, Bentley kicked her in the face and then she was allegedly ‘healed.’

But that was in 2008. Bentley lands in the dickhead zone today for his claim to have healed a man with cancer and a broken sternum by..um…PUNCHING HIM IN THE STERNUM. He appeared on Rick Joyner (of thunder-means-god-is-speaking-to-you and stack-bibles-around-your-house-to-save-you-from-earthquakes fame)’s show, Prophetic Perspectives, to discuss this miraculous cancer healing.

He says: “He (the man) didn’t come for the service; he was at the hotel here. And he heard me give this word ‘I’m going to pray for anyone that has cancer right now.’ And I didn’t realize he was in a truck accident and he broke his sternum and he had several broken ribs – the lord didn’t tell me this………So when he finally came up onto the platform and I was going to go pray for him the lord spoke to me – and I know it was the lord, we only do this when it’s the lord……The lord told me ‘I want you to punch him in the sternum as hard as you can.’”

This is why I think religion is nuts. Take religion out of the equation and this is just some crazy guy hearing voices. But under the guise of that voice being the voice of god, he’s considered a hero? Give me a fucking break.

Watch the video below.


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