Uh oh, parents.. something’s corrupting your kids. I’ll give you a hint: It’s not gory video games which encourage them to graphically murder one another. It’s also not Sesame Street and it’s pro-poverty agenda. It’s…..are you ready?…….. ADELE’S TITS! OH.MY.GODDDDDDDDDD!
Yes, earlier this week Jezebel reported that grocery store, Wegmans, has censored the December 2011 cover of Cosmopolitan magazine which features a little cleave action from singing goddess, Adele. Of course, like most curious types, the first thing I did upon reading of the de-boobage was Google the cover; fully expecting to see something akin to Janet Jackson’s nipplegate incident circa 2004. But all I saw was this:
..and, um..as gay as I am, I wasn’t scared by what I saw. Like at all.
When contacted, a spokesperson for Wegmans said that apparently they’ve been censoring Cosmopolitan for over a year after receiving several complaints from concerned parents who claimed that the magazine’s covers were too ‘risque’ to be displayed in full. Wegmans also said that, while they didn’t necessarily agree with the criticisms, they felt compelled to respond…by relegating Cosmopolitan into the smut section, presumably next to other magazines of the devil – you know, like Redbook.
Having been born into a European family, let me just say that the American fear of tits is one of the most bizarre phobias in a country full of them. I’ve never understood why we make such a big deal over the female body in this country; treating it as if it were something that’ll turn us to stone if we look at it for too long.
However, I have a theory and I’d like to test it out on all of you. It has to do with tainted breast milk. Studies have shown that breast milk is full of all sorts of amazing nutrients, vitamins, right? But what studies don’t show is that breast milk also contains a chemical which, when mixed with a healthy dose of fucktard salad (made in the womb), makes certain people scared of women. I know, I know..crazy right?
So, while Wegmans has no problem displaying naked chicken tits in their poultry section or men’s tits on the cover of GQ, any hint of milk-making female tits must be covered up! Genius!
Thanks, Wegmans for perpetuating stereotypes, shunning the female body middle east-style aaaaaaand being huge pussies.