Lou Engle Wins Hide & Seek; Finds God At Walmart

“Prophet” Lou Engle has made a career out of communicating with god and has just found him shopping in the most unlikely of places: Walmart.

For those of you that hadn’t noticed, we’re in the middle of a recession here in the US; forcing many of us to pinch our pennies more than ever and look for discounts at every opportunity. To ease the financial pain, many people seem to like to go to church to pray their troubles away and find god.

Well what would you say if I told you that there’s a place where you can find great everyday items (made by Chinese infants for pennies per day) at unbeatable prices AND find god at the SAME time?!

I dunno about you, but this is a level of killing-two-birds-with-one-stone that sounds almost too good to believe in. Allow me to explain..

Meet Lou Engle. Lou is ‘an American charismatic Christian leader’ and ‘prophet’ best known (to me) for praising the government of Uganda in its efforts to criminalize and kill gay people back in 2010…and then later condemning (small ‘c’) the Ugandan government for threatening violence towards gays. (Interesting how Engle characterizes murder as ‘violence’.. but that’s just semantics, right?)

He’s also known for taking it anally for the first time on camera as evidenced by the picture above..oops..I mean..

He’s also known for being vehemently against abortion, and has recently been found verbally masturbating Jane Porter’s ‘Heartbeat Bill’ in OH, which (as we discussed a few days ago) would criminalize abortions in a majority of cases.

In the midst of one of his anti-abortion speeches in Toledo, OH last week, Engle paused to tell a heartwarming story that involved his daughter racing around inside a local Walmart, falling and cracking her head open..or something. He spoke of holding her bleeding head for a little while and then having an epiphany..

He says: “I didn’t understand it until just this moment that that’s how God feels for every baby.”

Next, he told a story about a girl who planned to have an abortion until she found a ‘LIFE wristband’ in a Walmart parking lot; leading him to make one of the best and most ridiculous comments this side of Michele Bachmann by saying:

“God has something to say to us in Walmart parking lots, prayer is moving this nation!”

Wow. Who knew that you could buy hostess cupcakes and Hanes underwear at unbeatable prices and THEN walk outside and have a conversation with god on the way to your car?

I dunno about you, but I know where I’m going this weekend..


If you want music, you’ll find it everywhere on this site..If you want to laugh, go to the Daily Fred section and read all of my silly daily observations about life, people, and politicians.

Share This Post

Related Articles

One Response to “Lou Engle Wins Hide & Seek; Finds God At Walmart”

  1. [...] Lou’s passion for killing-two-birds-with-one-stone, The Call couldn’t be more up his alley if it tried – as it promises to convert Muslims [...]

Leave a Reply

© 2014 Fred Hystere. All rights reserved. Site Admin · Entries RSS · Comments RSS