Co-Daily Dickhead: Megyn (with a y) Kelly & Maggie Gallagher

Breaking news: Megyn Kelly spells her name weirdly. Breaking news: Megyn Kelly had a brain transfusion with a baboon. Breaking news: Megyn Kelly uses a dildo covered in American stars and stripes.  Breaking news: Megyn Kelly is today’s Daily Dickhead.

You may have heard that yesterday President Obama declared that the federal government was no going to defend The Defense of Marriage Act (or DOMA) in a court of law. DOMA was signed into law by President Clinton back in 1996 and says that ‘no state needs to treat as a marriage a same-sex relationship considered marriage in another state.’ It also ‘defines marriage between one man and one woman.’

Obviously this is big news and an important move by the Obama administration..and the correct move. I’m going to try not to sound like a broken record, but it’s about time that gay men and women weren’t treated like second class citizens by our own government.

Megyn Kelly, however, disagrees. To prove just how ‘fair and balanced’ Fox ‘News’ is, she invited Maggie Gallagher, from the National Organization for Marriage, on her show. They proceeded to basically finger fuck each other over the phone while each one of them attempted to come up with a different way to say that ‘DOMA is the law and President Obama is breaking the law.’

But, as Maggie points out, there may actually be a silver lining in this presidential obstruction of justice:

‘Here is the good news Megyn, President Obama wasn’t really defending this law at all. His Justice Department was trying to throw this case and I think this now open up for the House to intervene in this case and to get somebody in court who actually wants to defend the law. So in a backwards way, I think it’s going to end up being good news for the Defense of Marriage Act.’

Yes, Maggie, that really is good news. The other piece of really good news is that you look like this:

Poor Maggie Gallagher needs a map to find her own vagina and it probably hasn’t been touched since 1973 (if at all).

The best part of this video is at the end (and not just because it’s over) where Megyn says in her best ‘duh’ voice: ‘This is NOT the last you’re going to be hearing about this.’


The Hotness: Jessie & The Toyboys, Jamie Woon, Glasvegas

The Hotness is your daily look at 3 new songs that are amazing, essential, and are sure to make you horny. Ok, the last part isn’t necessarily true. But if you don’t like at least one of these three songs, you need to check 1) Your testosterone levels 2) Your estrogen levels 3) Your hearing.

Jessie & The Toyboys are, if nothing else, one of the most brilliant marketing campaigns in recent memory. Push It is popstastic, and singer Jessie Malakouti is a fox (not a real one, obviously). Jessie is hard at work on her new album which is due to be released sometime this year.

Jamie Woon is a British singer-songwriter who attended the BRIT School, which is that music school that keeps churning out amazing talent (Amy Winehouse, Adele, my mother, your mother, etc).  He also placed 4th in that annual BBC poll that predicts the next big thing. Out of these three songs, Jamie’s single, Lady Luck, is the most likely to pantie-moisten. His debut album, Mirrorwriting, is out 4 April, on Polydor.

Glasvegas are a Scottish band who have a really annoying spelling to their name. (I’m sure Glasvegas is the name of one of their dead mothers or something, which probably further confirms my asshole, foot-in-mouth status). They have been critics darlings for a few years, as NME seems to masturbate at the mere mention of their name. Rightfully so. These guys are amazing and tend to make anthemic, epic, shoegazey songs; without the corniness or pretention of some other bands. Their 2nd album, Euphoric/Heartbreak, is due out 4 April, on Columbia.

1. Jessie & the Toyboys ‘Push It’

2. Jamie Woon ‘Lady Luck’

3. Glasvegas ‘Euphoria, Take My Hand’


‘s Grandmother arrived a little while ago out of the blue and surprised me, and not just because I didn’t hear her parking her broomstick outside. She decided to show up uninvited, which is kind of like waking up in the middle of the night and noticing a black widow crawling up your arm. I happened to be eating when she arrived and the following lovely conversation took place:

Grandmother: Why aren’t you working?

ME: Nice to see you, too. To answer your question, I’m taking a break for lunch; which would be why I’m eating.

GM: What is that you’re eating?

ME: This is called food. You should try it sometime; it’s much tastier than the blood of little children, or whatever it is you’re eating these days.

GM: Is that a fruit salad you’re eating? Appropriate.

ME: Is that supposed to be a gay joke? Oh how funny! Ok, ok, I love this game! My turn: Hey Grandma, are you hungry? Because if you are, I still have some of that Fucking Ignorant Old Bitch Pie I know you love so much..

GM: Well I was just asking a question.

ME: Oh I know you were. And I was just being hospitable. Satan.

Daily Dickhead: Patricia Jones (D-UT)

Those of you that think I only attack Republicans are in for a real treat today as State Senator Pat Jones (D-UT) is today’s Daily Dickhead.

At this point I’ve probably made it pretty clear what my beliefs are. There are 3 issues that I am extremely passionate about: 1) Human Rights/LGBT Rights 2) Women’s rights and 3) Animal Rights. Out of those three, the two sub-issues that seem to be constantly in the media of late are gay marriage and abortion. I believe in a woman’s right to choose. I also believe in equal rights for ALL people. Included in equal rights of all people is the right for gays to adopt.

Lord knows there are many people that giving birth that had no business getting pregnant in the first place, much less raising kids. However, there are also many parents that have enough self-awareness to give a baby up for adoption if they’re not able to properly care for the baby. To suggest for one minute that there is only one prescription for the love a child needs from a parent is not only preposterous, but it’s flat-out cruel. To say that the only type of love that an orphaned child should be allowed to be given is that of heterosexual men and women is so discriminatory that it toes the line with being comparable to not allowing someone to adopt a child because of the color of their skin. Discrimination is discrimination and it’s simply not fair that gay people are constantly made to feel as though their love isn’t worthy. So not only is our love not worthy enough to legally marry one another, but it’s also not worthy enough to raise a child? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I’d love to know who the person ‘rating’ love is and get his ass fired.

Sen. Pat Jones, has been known as an advocate to the LGBT community out in Utah; a state that sorely needs gay allies. So when she turned around and did an about-face by voting against adoption rights for gay couples last week, you can imagine she ruffled more than a few feathers. As you’ll see in the video below, she continued to make matters worse by saying:

“I live in an area, as many of you are aware … that’s really very conservative. I have walked this district five times, five election cycles. I feel like I know what’s on the minds of the constituents in this area,” State Sen. Jones said. “My personal belief is that marriage should be between one man and one woman, and that kids are better served … in a traditional family.”

To say I’m fucking sick of politicians giving in to cowardly behavior and not standing up for what’s right, not to mention what they’ve always claimed to stand for, would be redundant, at best. It shouldn’t be this difficult to find true leaders with spines. Shame on Pat Jones for befriending and lying to the gay community in order to get elected; only to turn around and stab us in the back like everybody else. Disgusting.

Tell Senator Jones how you feel!

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