Fred..

just had an interview at a wholesale company that sells graduation gowns to schools, etc..The lady who interviewed me was 323 years old and was wearing a yellow cap & gown during the interview..she basically looked like the oldest living canary..My life is so fucking bizarre.

Fred..

is so glad that Chelsea Clinton’s wedding is the top news story of the day..I mean I wouldve felt like I was dumber for not knowing that the ‘luxury port-o-potties’ are costing $200 each. Those shits comin out of her ass better be gold-plated for that price tag. Seriously, tho..WHO THE FUCK CARES?

Fred..

Stop & Shop cashier: “Just the detergent for you today, sir? Did you see our blueberries?” Me with a very perplexed look: “No, I didn’t.” Cashier: “Oh well we have a special on them this week.” Me: “That’s great but I’ve decided not to wash my laundry with blueberries this week, thanks”.

Fred..

was REALLY hoping his mother would stress him out today of all days..’Are you really wearing THAT to your interview?’ Me: No, Mother..let me borrow you bra and panties..would that look hotter?

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